


To Stand Among Us

by orphan_account



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Angst, But not Fili and Kili, Cultural Changes, F/F, Fem!Bagginshield, FemBagginshield, Grief, Heartache, Marriage, Rule 63, Thorin Dies, fem!Bilbo, fem!Company, fem!Dain, fem!Thorin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-29
Updated: 2013-09-29
Packaged: 2017-12-21 17:39:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,275
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/903015
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bilbo marries Thorin on her deathbed at her request and is declared an honorary dwarf.</p><p>Fili and Kili do not die, but Thorin does.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

For a moment Bilbo couldn’t believe that the dwarf in front of her was Thorin. Thorin was strong, her back held up high and her blue eyes holding a fire that could never be quenched. Even after she had been injured she would recover and it would almost be like it never happened, though she never would forget of the wound. Over the years she had gotten herself quite a collection of grudges.

Even one against Bilbo. It was stupid of her to believe that stealing the Arkenstone would save her wife. All it had done was gotten Bilbo a raging ache in her head, bruises all over her, Thorin’s nieces struggling for life, and Thorin herself near death.

Bilbo wanted to cling to hope. After all the terrible things that had happened in Thorin’s life, didn’t she deserve a happy ending? Had her quest to reclaim her homeland not earned her the right to rule over it for years? Did she not deserve to be queen?

No. 

Apparently fate seemed to think not.

Why did Thorin even want her here, after what she’d caused? The orcs weren’t her fault, but the responsibility for the Arkenstone rested solely on her.

Thorin’s blue eyes were open, but Bilbo could tell that it pained her to do so. Her dark hair was matted and clung to her sweaty skin. Her breathing obviously pained her. There was a large wound over her front, made all the more noticeable by the bandages covering it. No longer did she have an air of pride around her. All Bilbo could sense was death surrounding her, ready to take her in its cold embrace. The life of Thorin Oakenshield might as well have been over. Bilbo did not want Thorin in any more pain.

Perhaps death was a blessing.

Bilbo wondered why it hadn’t taken Thorin any longer. No, maybe Thorin was too proud to die yet.

“I have come, my queen.” Bilbo said. The words hurt to speak, but even now she wanted to show her loyalty to Thorin. She leaned down beside her and waited for her cold words, letting her release the last of her anger against Bilbo. Bilbo had earned it.

“Halfling,” Thorin spoke, the words clearly paining her, “you have come.”

“Yes,” Bilbo stated.

“I’m so glad.”

For a moment Bilbo couldn’t understand her words. Thorin was glad to see her after what she’d caused?

“I thought you would not come.” Thorin coughed, saliva flying out of her mouth. Bilbo was just thankful that it was not blood.

“I came as requested.” She looked away from Thorin and her bandaged chest. The bandages were turning a sickly pink color. Bilbo was sure that she would never be able to see the color the same way again. “I am just surprised that you would want to see me.” Thorin was about to die; Bilbo had no reason to keep the truth, the exact truth, from her any longer.

Thorin placed her hand on Bilbo’s knee. She made a sound of pain, but she did not remove it. “I must apologize.” Thorin must have been sweating around her eyes. Bilbo would never allow herself to think foolishly again. Thorin could not have been crying; never once had Bilbo seen Thorin cry, and she was sure that for her it was impossible.

“But why?” Bilbo asked. She bit her lip. “After what I did…” Tears formed at her eyes, and she frantically wiped them away. “I stole the Arkenstone! I betrayed you! I caused a war!”

Thorin began to weakly rub her knee. “You tried to save me. If the orcs had not come then I am sure that we wouldn’t have had to worry about the war. There was no way that you could have caused that. Besides, if it weren’t for you then I never would have recovered from the dragon sickness. I am glad to die like this then to die lusting over gold.”

Bilbo let the tears fall. She wanted to say that no, Thorin wouldn’t die. But she already knew that there would be no happy ending for Thorin; she was just going to die here. She would go to the halls of her god, but she would not go when she needed to. Thorin was supposed to rule Erebor for years before her life finally ended.

But that wasn’t how it was going to be. All Bilbo wanted was a way to reassure Thorin, some way to comfort her, but it seemed Thorin could not even have that blessing.

“Bilbo,” Thorin said, “please…” She began to cough.

“What?” Bilbo asked. “What? What?” She wanted to hear Thorin’s answer; she didn’t want the last thing she ever heard from Thorin be coughing. Though she had no idea how to comfort Thorin, Thorin surely must have had a way to do so. If Thorin asked her of anything she would do it.

Thorin’s arm was shaky as she removed her hand from Bilbo’s knee and let the other one rise up to it. She removed her silver ring from her hand and held it up to Bilbo. For a moment Bilbo just stared at it before taking it from her. It rested in the palm of her hand, cool to the touch and dim in the light.

“Balin,” Thorin said.

Bilbo turned around to see that Balin, Dwalin, Bifur, Dori, Ori, and Gloin had come into Thorin’s tent. They stood near the opening, all giving the two their space. Ori was clutching her older sister as if her life depended on it, and for once Dwalin didn’t look like the strong warrior that she actually was.

“Yes, my queen?” she asked.

“Do you remember the words? What you said before Dis and Jili?”

Balin nodded. “I could never forget.” She looked at Bilbo, all the years of sadness and pain showing in her eyes. “Bilbo, would you marry Thorin?”

Tooks were known for madness. Thorin’s death really must have had an effect on her.

“Please,” Thorin said. “Bilbo, please… We don’t have much time left.”

Bilbo looked down at the ring in her hand. Tears continued to fall from her eyes. “Why?”

“Because we must do it while we still can.” Thorin placed her hand on Bilbo’s arm. “I wanted to give you a marvelous wedding to make up for our courtship having to appear on the road. But it seems I cannot do that any longer, so I will just have to accept this. Please, Bilbo, please.”

“But I betrayed you!”

“No,” Thorin said. “It is I who betrayed you. The gold sickness took so much from me, but I can’t let it take this. Please, Bilbo, I want this.”

So this was how she could reassure Thorin. She swallowed the lump in her throat and spoke. “Yes, Thorin, I will marry you.”

“Then let us begin,” Balin said. “Bilbo, place your hand in Thorin’s. Give her the ring back.”

Bilbo was curious to why, but did so anyway. Thorin picked up the ring and slipped it onto Bilbo’s finger, her hand shaking. The metal was cold on her finger.

“Now,” Balin said, “do you understand what this means, Thorin?”

“Yes,” Thorin said. “I know that I can never love another.”

“And you, Bilbo? Do you accept the terms of dwarves?”

“Yes,” she said. “Yes, I do.”

She expected Balin to make a speech, to make things as complicated as possible like dwarves always did. “Well, then it is done. Enough witnesses are here to confirm this. My blessings be upon you and I wish you great happiness…” And then Balin began to cry.

Bilbo gave a quick look at the others inside. Dwalin was crying; Bilbo could have imagined Thorin crying before the warrior. Gloin had her hands at her sides and she was staring off into the distance. A deep frown sat on her face, but she seemed determined to not cry. Ori was crying into her older sister’s chest, and Dori wasn’t doing any better. She wiped away at her eyes constantly.

And then Bilbo turned away from them and back to Thorin. A smile sat on her face.

“Does this make you happy, Thorin?” Bilbo asked.

“Yes,” Thorin said. “Yes, this does.”

“Is there anything else that I can do for you?” Bilbo wiped tears away from her eyes. She wished that she could share that strange happiness that Thorin held, but then she realized it would mean that she would also be dying.

“Lie next to me,” Thorin said. “I wish to touch your hair one last time.”

Bilbo did so, lying on her side and letting her hair fall to the side. Thorin put her hand on Bilbo’s hair, slightly longer than it had been when she’d left her home. There was a smile on Thorin’s face; she’d always loved Bilbo’s hair.

“You have the most beautiful hair,” she said. “I am always happy when you allow me to touch it.” That strange smile remained on her face. Her hand stopped suddenly and Bilbo feared the worst, but she spoke. “I am so sorry for what I did.”

“I accept your apology,” Bilbo said. “I forgive you, Thorin.”

Thorin smiled. “I am so happy now.”

Bilbo wanted to smile. She wanted to say that she too was happy, but she couldn’t. She at least wanted to appear happy, but she couldn’t even get herself to do that. The tears seemed endless.

“Please don’t cry.” Despite Thorin’s words, Bilbo could not.

She was surprised to feel a cold finger run along her cheek. It stopped at her eyes.

“Please don’t cry.” Thorin repeated.

And somehow the tears stopped. Thorin smiled again. “Thank you, Bilbo.” Her hands returned to Bilbo’s hair, which she played with for a few more minutes before closing her eyes. Once her eyes closed, Bilbo cried again. She could no longer see her do it.

Balin came up and put her hand on Thorin’s wrist. “There is no pulse.”

Bilbo cried even harder. Where were all these tears coming from? Shouldn’t they have stopped by now?

She didn’t know when Dwalin helped her up, when Bilbo stretched her back out. It hurt after leaning down so much. Dwalin led her away from Thorin’s body and out of the tent. At first she wanted to protest, but there was no use. Thorin was dead, and all that remained in the tent was her shell made of flesh.

Bilbo felt the ring along her finger. It was too big for her, but she didn’t care. Maybe she could fit it on her thumb, or maybe put it on a chain around her neck.

“Thorin is dead,” she stated.

“Aye,” Dwalin replied. “I am sorry.”

“No, I am sorry. It surely must be hard on you as well.”

“You are one of us now.” Dwalin said.

“Yes,” Bilbo replied. “Yes, I am. If that is what Thorin wanted.”

“Nothing could have made her happier,” Balin said.

Bilbo hadn’t heard her walk up. There were tear stains around her eyes.

“I am sorry.” Bilbo said.

“It is not your fault.” Balin rubbed at her eyes. “Thorin would not want you to apologize. If it is anyone’s fault, it is Azog’s, and the foul beast lies dead.”

Though Balin surely meant for that to bring comfort to Bilbo, all she felt was a pain inside of her chest. Again, more tears fell.

The pain in her chest lessened slightly when a few minutes later word came that Thorin’s nieces would survive, but it didn’t go away.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter deals with issues of Erebor's politics.
> 
> A lot of chapters after this will at least feature this theme in one way or the other.

The funeral was quick. No one wanted to be there longer than was absolutely necessary. The elven queen and Bard stood in the back, though Thorin was buried with the Arkenstone. Bard placed it in her cold hands, wrapping it over her chest. Bilbo would not look at it.

Perhaps, Bilbo thought, it is good that it is gone. It won’t be able to cause any more trouble.

Bilbo stood in the front, dressed in traditional dwarven mourning wear. It had been quickly put together, adding more to the grief stricken image she held. It had become a constant debate in her mind on whether or not to give up or to stand strong. Sometimes one side was more powerful than the others, but most of the time it balanced each other out, which only served to make it worse.

Fili and Kili stood beside her, the younger sister clutching at the elder as if her life depended on it. Dwalin was doing the same to her sister. In fact, all the families were doing so. Bifur, Bombur, and Bofur were all huddled together, hiding their faces with their hands (or hat in Bofur’s case). Ori was standing between her older sisters, their arms wrapped around her.

Bilbo stood alone. She shivered. The mountain was much colder now that Smaug and her dragon fire was gone. Despite now being a dwarf, she felt exactly like she had back at Bag End after her parents had died. She was cold and lonely, and she felt too uncomfortable to ask the others that she knew for comfort.

Everyone took a moment to go up to the casket. Bilbo stared down at Thorin one last time. Her body had been arranged to hide the bruises she’d received. It was likely that if Bilbo saw them she would faint, just like she had months before back in Bag End. For the first time in a long time she hadn’t heard a single dwarf brag about their battle scars.

She touched Thorin’s cheek, cold and drained of color. “Goodbye, my queen.”

-

Bilbo Baggins was not suitable to be a queen. For some reason the entire company, even Fili and Kili, seemed to think otherwise. She tried to convince them that she wasn’t worthy of the position but they purposefully avoided her words. Bilbo would list off reason after reason for why she wasn’t worthy, but not even one listened.

She was raised as a hobbit. No longer could she call herself one, but she had been raised as one.

Though she had been rich and respectable (the term now was funny to Bilbo in a sick way), she was by no means worthy enough to do it.

She had no real political experience. Fili and Kili had been raised knowing that this moment would come, though they would never know exactly when. They didn’t hide their grief, and Bilbo did not expect them to. A few had tried, Balin being one of them, but she knew it pained them. She could no longer look the old woman in the eyes.

And though she would have gladly ruled beside Thorin had she lived, she would not allow herself to rule alone now. Fili and Kili were the rightful heirs.

When Balin brought the subject up again, Bilbo spoke up.

“Stop ignoring me,” she stated. “I may have agreed to marry Thorin but I never agreed to take her position. I will gladly help her nieces adjust to their new roles. I will not be queen.” She’d phrased and rephrased it before, practically screamed it at the top of her lungs at times, and still no one listened. Now the room was dead silent.

Fili and Kili both looked at her straight in the eyes. There were bags under their eyes, and they no longer held the mischief that Bilbo had always loved to see in them. It had been a long time since any of them had made a joke.

“I am not going to be Thorin’s replacement. I will not deny Fili and Kili of what belongs to them.”

And surprisingly the others agreed, and the last few stressful weeks of the company trying to convince Bilbo that she must be queen vanished. It felt strangely good, but she wished that the whole mess had never occurred in the first place. She couldn’t even understand what made them think it.

-

Fili’s crowning was an extravagant event, likely to make up for the gloom that had filled Erebor for weeks after Thorin’s death. It seemed all of Erebor has agreed that Thorin had died too young, too late. Even the ones who were surprised that Erebor had actually been reclaimed and that the dragon was dead spoke of it.

But there was nothing that they could do about that, could they?

Bilbo had looked at herself in the mirror earlier and wondered if she was actually looking at herself. The bags under her eyes had somehow vanished, and her hair actually looked somewhat neat (which before had been hard considering how unruly it was). The clothes she was required to wear were practical by dwarven style, but magnificent in design. The robe she wore was made of thick gold thread, and she wore a jewel studded belt. On her feet were boots; as a dwarf now she must wear boots, even if they’re incredibly uncomfortable and the size had to be personally designed to fit her large feet. 

It was as though the person she’d been for weeks had never existed.

That didn’t mean that she wasn’t thankful. In fact, she truly was. She wanted to look nice for Fili’s crowning. In fact, it was an unexpected blessing.

But something had told her that this look wouldn’t last long.

Fili stood in front of thousands of dwarves, Balin and Dwalin to her left and Kili and Bilbo to her right. Dain was the one to place the crown on her head. Earlier, she had heard the two remark that they wished that Dis had been able to arrive to see the crowning, to be the one to place the crown. Apparently Dis was coming to visit soon, but had decided to rule over Ered Lindon. If the news she’d heard, frantic whispers between Ori and Bofur, then Kili would be leaving with her. Bilbo tried to tell herself that this was impossible, that she would never willingly leave her sister’s side. But the world had changed, and what once would have taken a miracle, or more likely a tragedy, now was far more than just plausible. It could become truth.

Fili stood with grace. She looked even better than Bilbo. If she didn’t know the woman so well she would’ve fallen for the lie that she was doing well at holding herself together.

A speech was expected. Bilbo had suggested helping Fili while she wrote it, but she refused. She had considered protesting, but she understood that this was important to Fili. Everyone, not only her, was grieving.

The air around her suddenly seemed heavier, and despite her rather thick robe a chill ran down her spine. It was time to see what Fili had come up with.

“Thank you for allowing me to be queen,” she said. “I am honored.”

The room was completely silent, save a few coughs or the sound of breathing. A sob suddenly came from the crowd, and was quickly joined by others.

“I understand that Thorin is no longer here,” she said. “I would give all my gold if she could come back to us. But I cannot change that, and have to live with that. She was my aunt, and I knew her well. She may not have been the easiest to connect with, but she was always there for me. I know of her dreams for Erebor, and I will try to make them come true. That is all I can do now. But do not weep, for Erebor is again ours. By the sacrifices of those who have fallen, not just Thorin, but of our people, we have taken back our homeland. We must enjoy it. What else would our ancestors desire for us to do?” She stopped speaking. For a few moments there was silence, and then finally a polite clapping.

What Bilbo didn’t expect was for Fili to speak once more. “And now we honor those who helped Thorin and I reclaim Erebor.” The rest of the company came and stood beside their comrades. Thanks were said to the Ri family, for making such a sacrifice knowing that they could have just stayed in Ered Lindon and continued running their fabric mill. Balin and Dwalin were praised for remaining true as warriors, though they had aged. Bifur, Bombur, and Bofur were cheered on by many dwarves, for they stood for many dwarves, average and with far less than perfect lives. Still, they had helped reclaim the mountain. Oin was thanked for her skills in healing, though it had to be repeated a few times for her to hear it. Gloin was thanked for helping to finance the trip.

Last, it came to Bilbo. She had never wished that she could be smaller, so small that no one else could see her, than ever before. She considered taking Thorin’s wedding ring off and slipping on her magic one instead, but stopped herself. The praise for her was true. Anything they held over the Arkenstone they had long forgotten. They were proud to have had Bilbo fight alongside them.

What she didn’t wish was being referred to as Thorin’s wife. If it was meant to bring comfort to her, then Fili had failed.

There was feasting afterwards, but Bilbo’s stomach was not in a well enough position for her to be eating. She politely excused herself to go to bed. Fili and Kili tried to convince her to come, but she refused as politely as she possibly could. If she went all she would do was the dampen the mood even more.

-

That night, Bilbo dreamed that somehow Thorin was still there. Thorin had her arms around Bilbo’s waist and was softly kissing her neck.

When she woke up in her far too large and elaborate room in Erebor’s royal halls, she was clutching her blankets as though they were a person. Despite her fine pajamas and covers, she felt a chill run up her spine.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took me forever to update. But I updated!

If heartbreak had a sound, then perhaps it would sound like the way she forced herself out of bed. Perhaps, it would sound like her groans as she tried to help Fili with something that went over her head, something she should not have had to have been concerned with at her age. Maybe it was the sound of her and Dis's voices as they discussed what had happened, as Bilbo filled in the blanks for her. Maybe it was the sound of her boot covered feet as she walked. Or could it be the sound of her pants, as she struggled to cart around the weight of her position on her shoulders? It could have been everything.

Slowly, the noise filled her ears and she could never imagine no other. It replaced the sound of the wooden creak of the floors of Bag End, a hello from Hamfast and a quick chat about his family. She forgot about what the neigh of the neighbor's ponies sounded like, and all she could remember was Myrtle and Minty. As time passed, her memory faded of the voices of the Shire gossips, the folk who put their heads in where they did not belong. She forgot about the things she had once taken for granted.

Perhaps she truly could have been called a dwarf.

-

Fili ruled well. Eventually, she learned what she must do, and Bilbo could relax. When she had been offered a vacation, she had been thrilled, and then promptly horrified. But Fili had reassured her that things would be fine. It took a great deal of convincing, but she said she would go back to the Shire. Accompanying her were Bofur and Bifur, who both needed their own break.

It was a long trip. Most nights, Bilbo did not sleep. It eluded her, the gentle escape so close, but just out of reach. In the mountains, they had to stop at a small settlement of men just so Bilbo could recover from an illness she had gained. Most of her time was spent staring at the ceiling, her eyes heavy but completely open.

She fought once more, proving that she was no weakling. This time, there was no one to call her useless.

When they arrived in Bree, everyone thought her to be a dwarf, admittedly a young one. Someone remarked that they had never seen a dwarf child before, and Bilbo did not correct them. On the road, one was secretive of their identity. Bofur made a few jokes about it, and she could not help but crack a smile.

When they got to the Shire, Bilbo saw that little changed. Life went on without her. A few were surprised to see her still alive, but they were happier that she did not try to take Bag End back. She had no need for it.

She enjoyed the sun, the food, her Took relatives. She told her stories, changed a few things, and got more than a few curious hobbitlings asking her questions. However, by the end of her talk, she was exhausted.

Still, it was nice to see the children smile.

-

Frodo clung to her leg.

"What is wrong?" she asked.

"Someone made fun of my hairy feet today, Aunt Bilbo."

Bilbo scooped her up in her arms, and gently patted her back. "And who were they?"

"Glerin."

"Shh.... Do not worry. I will talk to their parents."

"No one else has hairy feet, Aunt Bilbo."

"But I do, Frodo; I do. And I am very proud of them, and so should you. Now, would you show me what you learned in training today?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that's the end. Please tell me what you think. I tried to end on a more hopeful tone since pretty much the enitre story was DOOM AND GLOOM AND SADNESS. I didn't want the entire story to be just that.


End file.
